I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
