is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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