Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
