I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
