Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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