3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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