sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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