There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
