where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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