No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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