OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
