he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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