Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
