It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
