her vagine was all disorganized.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize