a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
