just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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