Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
