It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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