Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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