Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
