when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
