I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
