i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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