I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
