Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize