i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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