You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
