I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
