I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
