babies were throwing up all over the place
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
