Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
