i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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