I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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