We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
