Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
