Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
