i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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