Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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