yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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