I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
