Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They are going to name an STD after you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
