Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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