that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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