If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
