Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
