we have pet lesbian snakes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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