he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
