her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
