Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize