I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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