After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
