Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
