Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
