last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
