look no pants
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
