I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
