how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
