Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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