She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
