She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
