Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
