I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
