walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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