You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
