I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
