my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
