I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
