worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
