Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
