just tell him i said nine months
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
