I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
