I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
