I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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