it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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