she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
