Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
