I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
