Screwed.edu
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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