my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
