At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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