Kareoke will never be a sober sport
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
