she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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