If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need moral support for this bender
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
