Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
