The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
