What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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