does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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