STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize