Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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