I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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