I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
