i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
