She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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