i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
