First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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