Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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