I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
