I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
