Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
