Tell her she can't have a vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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