I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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