i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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