sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
