Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
