Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
