i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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