thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
