Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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