Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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