dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
