I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
