do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
