Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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