I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
